What's the Point
by Insanecat6
Summary: What I think might have been going thru Axel's head during the Kingdom Hearts II game. One-Shot. Akuroku. My first fic.


A/N: Woot, first posting. This thing just popped into my head and demanded to be written so I did. Also, I pretty much just typed it out without much thought and did it without many paragraph breaks. Please excuse my poor grammar.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own that has to do with this is my deranged mind that I used to type this, and I even question that sometimes.

**What's the Point? **

After Roxas left the Organization, I felt heartbroken. One might question how that is possible since I'm a Nobody and therefore don't have a heart. Quite frankly, I have no clue myself, but what else could be used to describe the pain I felt? Heh. Maybe Demyx was right all along and we really do have hearts? Well anyway, whether we have hearts or not I was still heartbroken. I moped around a lot after that. It was practically impossible to get me to lighten up at all. But even when someone did succeed it didn't last for long. I kept on thinking about Roxas and all the good times we used to have together and then how he had left and that would just get me depressed all over again. Probably the only thing that kept me going at all was the hope that we would see each other again.

Then I was assigned to retrieve him from the simulated Twilight Town. I had been so excited when Xemnas gave me that order that I could have died. Of course I couldn't do that then because then I wouldn't be able to go see Roxas. So I went to go get him and bring him back and thought that once I did that things would be able to just go back to being the way they had been before he left and it would be as if it had never happened. But then, when I got there he had absolutely no memory of me _what-so-ever_. My non-existent heart broke again. After all, how would you feel if the person you loved more than anything else in the worlds, even more than life itself, didn't have the faintest clue who you were or any memories of the time you spent together. I mean, I had been his best friend. I _loved_ him, although I never admitted it to myself until after he had left and even if I had realized it earlier I would never have told for fear of rejection. But still, I thought that I had meant more to him than that. Even if he didn't love me the way I loved him, I was his best friend. That had meant _something_ to him, right? I guess I couldn't really blame him though, I mean, it wasn't his fault that DiZ had had Naminé completely erase his memory and give him a new one. Then I found out that if I couldn't get him to remember and return that I had to _kill_ him. How could I kill the person that I was _in love with_ and meant more than _life_ to me? But I knew that I couldn't go against the Organization. So, in the end I had decided that I would try everything I could think of to try to get him to remember and come back and if nothing worked in the end, then I would do as I was told and kill him and then kill myself as well. I mean, what's the point of living on after the only thing that means anything to you is dead. Especially for those who don't even have a right to exist in the first place like us Nobodies. But then, even when he did remember, he refused to come back, so I fought him with every intention of fulfilling my plan of murder suicide in true abandoned and scorned lover fashion albeit Roxas had no clue I looked at him that way. But in the end, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to hurt Roxas like that.

After that he rejoined his Somebody and I would never see him again. But I still hoped and wished that I could against all reason and logical thought. So I went around trying to do things that might bring him back even though, looking back, I really have no idea why I thought some of those things would work. I mean, why would me kidnapping Kairi do anything to bring Roxas back? Oh well. Love can make you do stupid things I guess. I might as well have tried to do that Sleeping Beauty thing where true loves kiss wakes up the princess, though I'm not sure it works between two guys. Hell, I don't even know if he feels the same way and if it didn't work, I doubt that Sora would have appreciated it. In the end I decided that there was nothing I could do to bring him back, so I thought that I would resort to that suicide part of the plan. I decided that if I was gonna go and die anyway that I should at least go out with and bang. Something that I might of done just to show off to Roxas. So, the best way to do that was by helping Sora. I mean, who else would I do it for. He was Roxas' Somebody and I did act like a jerk to him with all the stuff I put him through I kinda felt like I owed it to him in a way. And go out with a bang I did. I did this awesome firestorm type thing that took out all the dusk around us. If Roxas had only been there to see it I'm sure he would have loved it. I guess his Somebody being there is the next best thing but it's just not the same. It's kind of funny in a way. But as I sat there fading, I almost thought that I could see Roxas there and hear him calling me stupid and asking why I did it. If I could I would have answered him.

_'What's the point of living if you're not with me?'_

Review? Please? I want to know how my first piece comes across.


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